LAST COLUMN!!!! SUSPENDA'S 50TH...
HE LEAVES THEM LAUGHING!!!
AS OF APRIL 1ST THIS IS THE END!!!
"Making the Web a Better Place to Be"
Yes, dear readers...That's right!!!You read it here first!!!
That's the end of SuspendAd Sentences!!!...Always has been!
Surveys have shown that most of you never get all the way to the bottom
of our silliness each week so we thought we'd begin at the end.
(GlendA and the kids thought a little April Fools Joke to begin with would be good!)
from
The ContendA who wears one red SuspendA
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3/22/98
After last weeks gruelling task of Emceeing "The Big Show"
[Please see 3/22/98 "...The E-Mail Envelope, Please!..."].
and my eventual breakdown at the mention of DC
(I thought Dr. Kronks Site cured me of bouts of "Psychominifightosis")
I figured reliving a past incident of this kind would help.
So return with me to that day a year ago
when not only DC
but Lady Char appeared
causing another breakdown and session with the good doctor.
Nightmare on Web Street part 6,742
Following last week's unfortunate occurances
and my personal 'bouts' of "Psychominifightosis"
I was really in a bad way, afraid to open a door, any door,
dreading the possibility of seeing those little DC Fighters again.
As you may recall, the previous movie ended
as I wrapped up and boxed all the little fellas
burying them deep in the COMPUTER TERMINAL,
between my Kaypro and Commodore
in a file called "DO NOT OPEN TIL XMASS!"
Smiling with the thought that I had saved the world from this growing menace,
the camera pulled back and the credits rolled.
End of story.
Lying flat on my back on our canvas covered, square, roped in bed,
(a position I was famous for when I wuz in the Fights),
Glenda, the 3rd Mrs. SuspendA, turned to me and said
"You've got to get away from the Fight Game for a while.
Do something different.
Take the kids out and do some fun thing with them!"
She suggested the puppet show at our local Library.
She hit the gong at the side of the bed.
As I got up and crawled back to my corner,
I said "Great idea, honey!"
In our matching Red SupendA's,
MalendA and SpencA and me were off to the Library.
Glenda waved goodbye.
The sun was bright and early Birds were flitting around catching worms.
All was right with the world again.
At the Library, we found seats in the audience,
and waited for the curtain to open and the show to begin.
From behind the curtain, the puppeteer's voice,
announced some special surprises in the day's
'Punch and Judy' performance.
The audience applauded and giggled in anticipation
and I was felt relaxed for the first time in weeks.
Everything came to an abrupt halt as the music began
and then the curtain slowly opened ..... revealing.......
ARGHHH!!!!
OH, NO!...... NOT AGAIN!......
THEY'RRRRE BAAAACK!
THEY'VE BEEN SET LOOSE AGAIN!!!!!
On stage Punch was being hit over the head by Char, the GAgirl, disguised as Judy.
Using a DC doll as a battering ram she screeched in her southern Judy voice
"I'll teach y'all to challenge me! I am the reigning Champion.
I know how to get the votes! All you kids in the audience voted for me,
you gave your parents the wrong instructions on how to turn the computer on
and while they were struggling to figure the darn thing out
you went online and effortlessly voted lickety split.
Today, the Site Fights!.....Tomorrow the World!!!"
The kids all howled and cheered. The wuz infused with DSpirit!
I wuz so shaken I closed my eyes
and when I opened them again I wuz sitting at my computer.
"The Home Shopping Supermarket of the Web" wuz loading
and I wuz powerless to stop it. There on the screen wuz Charlotte again.
This time she wuz dressed like a southern belle in a crinoline and lace dress.
The camera moved down and in towards the table next to her.
There on the table wuz a set of porcelain DC dolls,
rotating on a turntable on the right hand side of the screen.
On the left wuz a Title with price and item number.
Charlotte wuz saying
" Whenever I enter Ddome to meet the latest challenger's, I'm not alone.
I carry DC into the ring with me and now through this Special Offer,
you too can have your own "DC Lucky Porcelain" collection.
Just call the number on your screen
and each month you will receive another mini DC figurine.
Notice the detailing on the Monogrammed, lace Boxer shorts seams,
along the edges of the unique genuine crushed Zirconian stones.
Be the first on your block to own this valuable set.
Order quickly. This is a limited edition of only .........
I screamed!
GlendA shook me awake and said I must have been having a nightmare.
I ran downstairs, lay down on the sofa and checked in to Dr. Kronks Site ,
typing hysterically...
HELP!!!!!!
Next week I will try to resume DKO'S and also a New Conundrum!
We have received a number of correct answers to the current Conundrum
and will be sending out Golden SuspendA's and RAM CACHE!!! prizes to the winners
There's still time to enter..So try your luck with the "Whacky Wordies!
Riddles - the answers to which involve a play on words, a pun or anything that puzzles.
DSuspendA's my name and ContendA ConunDrum's my Game!!
If you're up to playing just click
DSuspendA for this week's puzzling good time!
You might be stumped by DChump (oops!) DChamp!
DSuspendA has a new "Wacky Wordie for you this week.
Hints are available by request!!!
As a special BONUS for anyone solving the Conundrums
DSuspendA will award the winners
$100.00 RAM CACHE
Can anyone out there suggest some Sites for the SuspendA's to visit?
Does your Site qualify for receiving "THE GOLDEN SUSPENDA"?
Tell us the NAME of the Site; THE URL; and which Arena it's in.
We promise to write about you giving a snappy SuspendA review
(time permitting) which may or may not translate into more votes.
Send your nominee to
DSuspendA, please.
DSpirit's Rumble Review for The lighter side of the Site Fights
bringing the many sides of
the Site Fights and it's fighters to lite!
Cruise the rest of the Site Fights rings also.
There's lots to see and do.
Please mail your feedback to DSuspendA at
"SuspendA'd Sentences"
and come back often.
After touring the Site Fights action
head on over to
Empty Trash Talk.
We'll give you your own private tour of the cans.
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