from
The ContendA who wears one red SuspendA
MARCH MADNESS - PART TWO!!!
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3/22/98 - Look for a NEW? SuspendA'd Sentences every Sunday
"THE E-MAIL ENVELOPE!...PLEASE!"
"...AND THE WINNAH IS...!"
To read previous SuspendA'd Sentences click any of the dates below
3/9/97,
3/16/97,
3/20/97
3/23/97
3/30/97
4/6/97
4/13/97
4/20/97
4/27/97
5/4/97
5/11/97
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5/25/97
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6/22/97
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7/6/97
7/13/97
7/20/97
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8/3/97
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8/17/97
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8/31/97
9/7/97
9/14/97
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10/12/97
10/19/97
10/26/97
11/02/97
11/09/97
11/16/97
11/23/97
11/30/97
1/04/98
1/11/98
1/18/98
1/25/98
2/1/98
2/8/98
2/15/98
2/22/98
3/1/98
3/8/98
3/15/98
(Special Thanks to Billy Carter for my new wrinkled seamless background!
"A recycled background is a wonderful thing not to waste!!")
It took awhile but I finally figured out the way through the maze
after going up and down deadend after deadend in a quest to locate
my office in the "FUN" Section of the replacement for the now defunct Stadium.
[Please see 3/15/98 "...MARCH MADNESS ARRIVES..."].
There wuz an Air-E-Mail message from Dman on the desk
(Air-E-Mail is just 90's nomenclature for the old Pnuematic system).
[Please see 3/15/98 "...SITE FIGHT SLEEPS BEGINS..."].)
requesting a meeting in his office right away.
(At last!!! He must want me to play a round of Miniature Golf with him!!WOW!!)
Dman wuz just coming through the token booth turnstile
leading into the Miniature Golf room when I arrived at his office.
I sat down, casually looking around, hoping not to look too anxious
over the possibility of our playing around together.
He laid his club on the desk, smiled and said,
"SuspnedA, How are you?...Graet stuff for the Olypmics...
Readership of your cloumn is risnig and the Advetrisers are happy."
Emptying his pockets of the loose change the turnstile coughed up, he paused.
(Wow!!! I thought to myslef. Not only does he type like that
but he aslo speaks thta way aslo...Oh, Oh!! Now I'm donig it!!
I'll probably need a Typnig and Sepech Tutro after this.)
"As you know", he continued,"we're groiwng at a rapdi rate"
and I want to get you more exposrue...so I'd like you to host
this yeras Secnod Annual Awards Show, thsi Modnay."
.....Leaning back in his chair, he let this sink in a moment.
"Watchnig some of the other Awrads shows, I think whta we'd like to see
you do is somtehing alogn the lines of Bob, Johnny and Billy...You knwo..
dignified yet funny. Go otu and rent some formal clotehs. A monkey Suit.
Clean up your SuspednA and get a Red bwotie, and, Oh, Yeh...some new Jkoes!
Hopefully it will go bettre than last year. No more embrassments."
(I could'nt sikn any lower into the chiar. I wuz turnign reddre and reddre
as I remembred that faisco from the frist time I hotsed the Awrads).
[Please see 3/23/97 "...THE ENVELOPE, PLEASE!..."]
(Sound strangely familiar?).
When I arrived home that evening, still looking glum and told GlendA the News
she said to me, "SuspendA, stop looking so glum! Pick yourself up,
and get some new jokes together, maybe the kids can help you with that part.
Think on the brightter side of this. You'll expose yourself to millions...
this could be the break you've been waiting for...THE BIG ONE!!!
Tomorrow you'ld better run out to the rental store and get fitted for a Tux,
or what did Dman say?, a Monkey Suit, so you can look dignified in front of all those people."
(As usual, GlendA wuz right, and later in bed I decided to do it, rolled over and fell asleep.)
[FADE IN OPENING TITLE....MUSIC UP!!!...MUSIC DOWN AND ANNOUNCER...]
"Ladies and Gentlemen and children of all ages...
Welcome to the Second Annual Site Fights Awards Show!....
Tonite's Awards have been underwitten by a grant from that great philanthropist
and Lemonade Stand Banner king "Pee Wee" Bobby Driscoll...
...Remember when someone says "Did you say Lemonade?" while you're surfing
stop at one of Billy's franchise's and have one for the Information Superhighway.
Be sure to pick up the Special Site Fights Six Pack with a Dman doll inside."
"Tonite's Awards are the results of a secret ballot taken recently.
(Secret Ballot?? Boy it wuz so secret, I never heard about it!)
The ballots were counted by the Counting firm of
"Adding, Tallies, Upright & Smart II"
and have been hermetically sealed until tonite.
[Short overture by the 'Kalamazoo Kazoo Orchestra'
led by one of our former Site Fighter's, DMaestro]
"...And now it gives me great pleasure to introduce our host for the festivities...
a man who knows how to hold up his end,
a man whose Red SuspendA has been seen worldwide,
a man who just recently returned from the Olympics in Japan
'The ContendA who wears one Red SuspendA',
or as he's known to you all, just plain
'The ContendA who wears one Red SuspendA'!"
[Thunderous, applause like sound of fingers clicking on mouse buttons!!
Curtains part and SuspendA enters...Roars of laughter!]
SuspendA - "Thank you very much for that wonderful reception.
Your applause and laughter really gets us off to a great start.
(This is wonderful...and I didn't even tell a joke, yet!)
"Yes, it's been a wonderful year...the Fights have grown big in every way...
I have also grown big, unfortunately it's all in my waist!!!"
(Pause for laughter...)
[THUNDEROUS SILENCE!!!]
"We have a great show planned for you...Lots of Awards...
Lots of Family, past and present..so without further ado
our first lovely presenters, a former dynamic duo...
Magnificent Momma, the beautiful, Bag Headed Lady
and Voluptuous Vicky,the other beautiful, Bag Headed Lady
to present the Award for "BEST SITE DECORATION".
[Curtains part and 2 presenters come out wearing a beautiful
pair of matched A&P Shopping Bags, looking lovely as ever.]
DMomma "Vickie, you old bag, you look Maaahvellous!..
It's great to be back to present this Award."
Vickie "DMomma, other than a few new wrinkles in your bag,
you look great, too. Is that your lips or a Red Pepper
jutting out of the front of your lovely bag?...
[Chuckle...chortle...tee hee...etc]
DMomma "Seriously tho, Vickie, the nominees for
BEST SITE DECORATION are
DVOTING BOOTH - Site Decoration by The U-Pullem Lever Company...
and DBIRTHDAYS - Site Decoration by Sally's Bakery."
Vickie "And the winner is......The envelope, Please....
SALLY'S BAKERY....and to accept the Award is Leo the head Icer."
Leo - "WOW!!!....This is the Icing on the Cake for me!!!
This statue will have a place of honor on top of my oven...
Thank you, Site Fights!!!!"
[Kazoo Fanfare...they walk off and SuspendA is back]
SuspendA - "Because of the lateness of the hour,
Dtechnical Awards
were handed out earlier in DCorner Cafe.
DWinners were:
"Best Dialogue in the Chat Room" - The Pantomime Players"
"Best Site Stopping Music" - DCap's "Soaring Eagles"
"Best Trained Animals in a Site" - a 3way tie -
'Wombats Warriors', 'Darksbane Dragons' and 'DKithammers Tigers'
Let's hear a roaring congratulations for all three.
Gotta keep on the right side of those babies.
Ya never know when you're gonna be there in person.
Music hath charms to sooth the savage beasts
(WOW!! SuspendA, great transition!)
..so here to sing the Winning Song
"Higher than an Eagle by the group 'AerieOh'
& hummed by a chorus of over 100 of DFairy's crew of helpers and WeeOnes."
[Curtains part and stage is filled with a Busby Berkley musical
number of DFairy and her crew flittering around dropping glitter
all over the stage while they sign everyones Guest Books.]
[Banner Break while stage is swept clean of the glitter mess left by Dfairies]
"Now, here is the talented and lovely DRose, to present the Award for
"The Most Dramatic Return to DFamily by a Team and or Team Leader".
[DRose comes out on stage dropping rosepetals and wearing a lovely rose colored gown.]
"Thanks, SuspendA...It's nice to be remembered.
The nominees for
"The Most Dramatic Return to DFamily by a Team and or Team Leader" are
"LUKE and 'LUKE'S FIREFIGHTEERS"
and "LADY CHAR and THE KNIGHTS OF THE RING"...
and the Winner is...The envelope, Please!
IT'S A TIE!!!
(Boy...lots of TIES here tonite. Good thing I wore one with my Monkey Suit).
"Before presenting our next Award I'd like to ask you all a Conundrum.
"Why does a Surfer Surf the Net?...
Answer: To get to the other Sites!!!...Get it...To get to the Other Sites!!!
Just a little humor in here.
[Dman in DControl room groans and breaks his golf club in half angrily shouting
"Why did I ever let my better judgement
get in the way of my choice of emcee?"]
(Oh boy! Another Conundrum!!! Let me think....)
"Now to present the next Award is the newest member
of DFamily, Chief Tsali of "TSali's Braves".
[TSali comes out of a Teepee on stage and walks to the presenters table
as the Kazoo orchestra plays the Theme from the "Brave Bulls"!]
(Somehow that doesn't seem to be the right theme!!!)
Thanks, SuspendA. It's a real pleasure becoming part of this great Team.
The nominees for the Award for
"Best Short Subject Animation in a Site or Sites" are
"DC VOTE FOR THIS SITE' - FIGHTIN FOR FUN",
"DC AT THE TRAINING CENTER" - BACKGROUND PATTERN"
"DC IN SUSPENDA'S WORST NIGHTMARE - NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET"
"AAAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!
At that moment I woke up in sweat...
vowing to check in at 'Dr. Kronk's Site' first chance I get.
I have to admit I looked elegant in my rented Monkey Suit
and got big laughs every time I walked out on stage,
although I still don't know why!!!
Here's a souveneir photo taken at the Awards Presentation.
Clockwise from bot. front: Wee One, Lady Char, Dman, DC, Yours Truly.
Next week I will try to resume DKO'S and also a New Conundrum!
Watch for them!!!
Riddles - the answers to which involve a play on words, a pun or anything that puzzles.
DSuspendA's my name and ContendA ConunDrum's my Game!!
If you're up to playing just click
DSuspendA for this week's puzzling good time!
You might be stumped by DChump (oops!) DChamp!
DSuspendA has a new "Wacky Wordie for you this week.
Hints are available by request!!!
As a special BONUS for anyone solving the Conundrums
DSuspendA will award the winners
$100.00 RAM CACHE
Can anyone out there suggest some Sites for the SuspendA's to visit?
Does your Site qualify for receiving "THE GOLDEN SUSPENDA"?
Tell us the NAME of the Site; THE URL; and which Arena it's in.
We promise to write about you giving a snappy SuspendA review
(time permitting) which may or may not translate into more votes.
Send your nominee to
DSuspendA, please.
DSpirit's Rumble Review for The lighter side of the Site Fights
bringing the many sides of
the Site Fights and it's fighters to lite!
Cruise the rest of the Site Fights rings also.
There's lots to see and do.
Please mail your feedback to DSuspendA at
"SuspendA'd Sentences"
and come back often.
After touring the Site Fights action
head on over to
Empty Trash Talk.
We'll give you your own private tour of the cans.
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