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2/15/98
Wakayama, Japan - February 22,1998
I'm typing this wrapup report from Nagano, Japan,
using my Classic 1931 Underwood Laptop typewriter waiting for us to takeoff
as seats are reassigned on my Kamakasi Airlines return flight to the States.
(Typing is not easy when you're sitting between two massive Sumo wrestlers.
I have been politely wrestling with them for elbow room since they were reassigned.
I'm typing this in my famous light thought type so that they can't read it.
They are part of the Senzu Sumo Bowling Team who toppled all other ContendAs
in last week's report.
[Please see 2/15/97 "..Super "G" Hero Returns...."].
It seems the entire team, all 2000lbs of them, were booked up front
in First Class and when they were all seated the plane tipped forward and
wuz facing down on an acute 45 degree angle making it impossible to takeoff.
Maybe it wuz the extra weight of the Golden SuspendAs I awarded them!)
For DSuspendA, it wuz an exciting 2 weeks
filled with exclusive coverage of events so far on the fringe
of the Nagano happenings that you probably didn't hear much about them.
Here are some of the highlights of my memorable trip.
A thrill I'll never forget wuz handing the coveted Golden SuspendA to Godzilla
in the 'Super "G" Rerun' for his triumph over the dangerous Giant Slalom.
(Fortunately the tourist who wuz videotaping the ceremony for his home movie collection
missed my embarassment when the Gold SuspendA trophy melted as Godzilla
roared fire & brimstone excitemdly over winning and being back in the public eye.)
The Kabuski Theatre Relay Team winning a Golden SuspendA
for their performance in the 10k Classic "Skiing Seven Sumarai".
Another Gold wuz awarded to the Figure Skating pair of Noh Players
for their Artistic merit and dramatic Noh flop, flawless performance.
The Pachinko Rinko Arena's 1000s of Noh Show fans went wild, turning
The Arena into a classic Japanese Wave painting as they rose from their seats.
(I loved the way the Noh Players masked the emotions they felt from the crowd).
The luck I have mixing business with pleasure constantly amazes me.
First bumping into Toma Gotchi in the "Mushi Sushi Bar"
and his arrangement of the Godzilla interview.
[Please see 2/15/97 "..Super "G" Hero Returns...."].
Then as luck would have it - being asked to do a DKO's review of
Thalia, Muse of Comedy
http://members.tripod.com/~AmusedMuse/
Little did I realize that as part of Timothy's wonderful site
(We standup comedians have to stand together, at least when I'm standing
and not flat on my back in some ring on some canvas.)
is a wonderful set of reviews of a parallel competition here in Wakayama.
THE EMOTIONAL OLYMPICS
The first event wuz Weightlifting.
(Not the kind where a demure female figure skater is paired
with a Sumo wrestler who she has to toss and spin in their routine)
The categories he covered were Guilt, Regret, Loss and Responsibility.
Next came Jumping Events, like:
Leaps of Faith and Jumping to Conclusions.
These were followed by the exciting Emotional Luge,
a hairraising event where ContendAs careen, completely out of control
attempting to hit bottom 1/10th of a second before all other racers.
There were features of the Social Side of these Competitions
like the "Pity Me Party" sponsored by Tammy Lee Baker
and a "Poetry Circle" sponsored by friends of Sylvia Plath.
I handed out the rest of my bag of
Golden SuspendA Awards to these emotion filled ContendAs.
Besides the Olympics there's a Valentine page,
a "Save America's Vanishing Frompers" and
a "Compulsive Humorist's Twelve-Step Program" and much more.
If you're not skating on thin ice or going downhill...fast!
Take an angst free, fun filled trip over to
Thalia, Muse of Comedy
The last but not least embarassment of the trip
almost occured when I arrived back in Nagano
at the airport to check in for the return flight.
As fate would have it I came face to face with the same Customs inspector
who it wuz my unfortunate lot to encounter on my way in to Japan.
[Please see 2/8/97 "Olympic Games Open...."].
"Well Mr. Led SuspendA, you're leaving our country?
Did you enjoy your stay in Wakayama?
Do you still have the bagful of Gold SuspendAs?",
he asked me with a playful twinkle in his eyes.
I decided to be diplomatic and engage him in some pleasant conversation
and said to him, smiling,
"Thanks to you I wuz able to have a reunion
with my old lightweight, popular friend Tama Gotchi.
He got me an interview with Godzilla, the "Big G"
who by the way, received one of my Golden SuspendA Awards
for winning out over the Giant Slalom!
I also gave out all the Golden SuspendA awards
to lots of deserving fellow countrymen and women of yours".
"Little, lightweight Tamagothci spoke to you?... drank with you?
Godzilla spoke with you? Took an award from you?"
He shook his head with a strange look of pity,
twirled his finger in a circle around the side of his head and continued
"Ah so, Please name some of Gold winners for me".
"You'll be interested to know that "Noh Players" won
the Award for Artistic Presentation!"
I replied, giving him the best - first!.
Amazed, he swiftly answered back
"Noh Players won the Gold?...
BUT! Somebody good HAD to win the Gold!!!"
"You're wrong..'Noh Players' did win the Gold!!!
'Somebody good' won the Silver!" I shot back quickly.
"Now just one minute here" he shouted back.
"SOMEBODY GOOD HAD TO WIN THE GOLD -
NOT HOH PLAYERS!!!
...ONCE MORE, WHO WON THE GOLD?"
his eyes no longer twinkling.
Speaking slowly, I said, "Look, Here it is in a nutshell.
'Noh Players' won the Gold, 'Somebody good' won the Silver
and 'I don't know who' won the Bronze!...GET IT!!!"
Slowly he turned and step by step came around the counter,
face red and eyes blazing, Samurai sword in hand.....
"HEYYYY!!!AAAABBOTTT!!!...."
Riddles - the answers to which involve a play on words, a pun or anything that puzzles.
DSuspendA's my name and ContendA ConunDrum's my Game!!
If you're up to playing just click
DSuspendA for this week's puzzling good time!
You might be stumped by DChump (oops!) DChamp!
CONGRATULATIONS are in order to DSuspendA
he has managed to stump you all for the past 4 weeks.
Hints are available by request!!!
As a special BONUS for anyone solving the Conundrums
DSuspendA will award the winners
$100.00 RAM CACHE
Can anyone out there suggest some Sites for the SuspendA's to visit?
Does your Site qualify for receiving "THE GOLDEN SUSPENDA"?
Tell us the NAME of the Site; THE URL; and which Arena it's in.
We promise to write about you giving a snappy SuspendA review
(time permitting) which may or may not translate into more votes.
Send your nominee to
DSuspendA, please.
DSpirit's Rumble Review for The lighter side of the Site Fights
bringing the many sides of
the Site Fights and it's fighters to lite!
Cruise the rest of the Site Fights rings also.
There's lots to see and do.
Please mail your feedback to DSuspendA at
"SuspendA'd Sentences"
and come back often.
After touring the Site Fights action
head on over to
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