from
The ContendA who wears one red SuspendA
OLYMPIC GAMES OPEN
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SUSPENDA GOES DOWNHILL FAST!
SETS NEW WORLD RECORD!!!
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2/1/97
Wakayama, Japan - February 5,1998
In an attempt to bring a broader perspective
to the ContendA events I cover for the Site Fights
this reporter packed his typewriter, "Rocky" lunch box
and a carton of "Golden SuspendA Awards" to award to
winning ContendA's in this years Winter Olympic Games.
Hoping to arrive in time for the Opening ceremonies
I booked an economy flight to Japan on Kamakasi Airlines
which included a recycled boxed lunch and an 8mm inflight home movie.
We arrived in Nagano with plenty of time to settle in and do some sightseeing.
(This is one of the perks that go with the job).
Unfortunately I wuz unaware that fate had another embarrassing moment
planned for DSuspenda when it wuz my turn for the custom inspection.
The inspector, a pleasant looking chap, looked at me and said,
"Herro! Do you have anything to decrare?"
I answered quickly, "Yes... I have a dozen 'Golden SuspendA Awards' in this box."
"Gorden SuspendA's? Exprain, prease.", he repried.
(Careful, SuspendA...You're only here a few minutes & He's got you talking like him!).
"I'm known as 'The ContendA who wears one Red SuspendA',
a roving reporter for the "Site Fights", a very popular web competition
and I award these 'Golden SuspendA's to deserving competitors.
What better place for me to find worthy candidates for this award
than the athletes competing here at this years Winter Olympics.", I said.
"Led SuspendA?, Led SuspendA?...
I have heard of Led Zeppelin, Led Skelton, Led Buttons,
but never Led SuspendA! How could you fight wearing a Led SuspendA?
Our Sumo wrestlers weight is all their own.
No artificial weight devices rike you and your Led SuspendA!",
he asserted, gesturing with both hands excitedly.
"NO! You don't understand!
RED!!!RED SUSPENDA!!!, NOT LED SUSPENDA!!!",
I shouted back.
He said just as adamantly, beginning to turn as Red as my SuspendA.
"NO!! You don't understand!!! The Olympic rules are very strict!!
No drugs! No special devices to enhance performances!
Especially, NO LED SUSPENDAS ALLOWED!!!
I sensed that this discussion wuz rapidly going downhill in record time
faster than the fastest men's or women's downhill skiers time
and I wuz in deep trouble once more through no fault of my own.
I decided to try once more, speak in a way he'd understand, and said
"Rook we're two sane and rational people.
Can't we calm down and settle this amicably?
I didn't fry all the way over here on Kamakasi Airlines
and then not be arrowed to enter your country."
"You frew here on Kamakasi Airlines? You wear a Led SuspendA!!..
you talk funny and you say you're a sane and rational person!!!
You are NUTS!! You're a Wacky Ham...a..... wait a minute!
That's it! WAKAYAMA!! Permission to enter Nagano DENIED!!!
Permission to enter Wakayama GRANTED!!!"
he shouted as he stamped my passport and waved me away.
For the next week and a half I'll be reporting from here in Wakayama, Japan,
about 150 miles southeast of Nagano seeking worthy candidates
for my coveted(?) "Golden SuspendA Award". Watch for the reports.
(There's no TV down here so if you see anyone who deserves the award let me know!)
"Ladies and Gentleman...
and ContendAs of All Ages...
D'Site Fights is Proud to Present for your Surfing Pleasure
D'New Installment of DKO's...
DSuspendA lifts himself up and treks
from mountain top to mountaintop
to award his Golden SuspendA's
(Give me a pat on DBack and go take a look at some sites
who have requested DSuspendA to pay them a visit).
Riddles - the answers to which involve a play on words, a pun or anything that puzzles.
DSuspendA's my name and ContendA ConunDrum's my Game!!
If you're up to playing just click
DSuspendA for this week's puzzling good time!
You might be stumped by DChump (oops!) DChamp!
CONGRATULATIONS are in order to DSuspendA
he has managed to stump you all for the past 3 weeks.
As a special BONUS for anyone solving the Conundrums
DSuspendA will award the winners
$100.00 RAM CACHE
Can anyone out there suggest some Sites for the SuspendA's to visit?
Does your Site qualify for receiving "THE GOLDEN SUSPENDA"?
Tell us the NAME of the Site; THE URL; and which Arena it's in.
We promise to write about you giving a snappy SuspendA review
(time permitting) which may or may not translate into more votes.
Send your nominee to
DSuspendA, please.
DSpirit's Rumble Review for The lighter side of the Site Fights
bringing the many sides of
the Site Fights and it's fighters to lite!
Cruise the rest of the Site Fights rings also.
There's lots to see and do.
Please mail your feedback to DSuspendA at
"SuspendA'd Sentences"
and come back often.
After touring the Site Fights action
head on over to
Empty Trash Talk.
We'll give you your own private tour of the cans.
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