from
The ContendA who wears one red SuspendA
EXTRA!!!SUSPENDA'D SENTENCES
The Training Center
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THIRTY!!!!!
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9/14/97
This week's column is the 30th SuspendA'd Sentences
since I retired from the fights and I must say it has been
a lot of fun and the Site Fights has grown in leaps and bounds.
In Newpsaperspeak thirty also means finished - end - over - done.
Last week, those of you who remember , DsuspendA threw in the towel.
[Please see
9/14/97 "SUSPENDA THROWS IN THE TOWEL!!..."]
Of course I wuz only kidding then and I will keep this column
and the silliness contained herein as long as there are
those of you out there who actually read this stuff.
This weekend fall arrives - summer's done - the kids, SpencA and MalendA
are back in school and the other night as GlendA and I
were preparing for bed she looked at my pants and SuspendAs
where I put them earlier, standing on my chair at attention, and said
"Your SuspendAs and pants are bulging out a lot around the middle, honey".
She wuz right, of course, as she usually is.
I AM OUT OF SHAPE!
Since I retired from the fights I sit all day at this typewriter,
or sit for long periods as we go touring in the SuspendAmobile,
snacking and filling my mouth with all the fat nono's of life.
It's funny how life sets up certain scenarios at a time when something
happens that says do it now or you'll always regret not doing it.
Just the other day I received an E-Mail from Dman about the Training Center.
He suggested I check it out as soon as its revised and updated,
so when GlendA commented about my newly expanDing SuspendA's
I figured it wuz a good time for me to get some personal training.
(Actually, I think GlendA has been personally training me to be a dog.
Each nite when we go to bed and I begin sawing a cord of wood
she taps me on the shoulder and hollers in my good cauliflower ear
"SUSPENDA!! WAKE UP - SIT UP AND ROLLOVER!!").
When I awoke the next morning I wrote a note on my High Resolution
Monitor resolving to try out the Training Center the next day.
Dman says that all ContendAs entering the Fights should go
as preparation for their upcoming ascension to the Warzone or beyond.
http://www.thesitefights.com/wepatrol/trainingcenter.html
(Note: This column wuz written before the great, new changes
instituted by Dpatrol were instituted. The Training Center is now an even
more informative useful beginning to those newly entering the Site Fights)
I checked in the next morning and after weighing in
wuz given a Sight Fights T-shirt and a towel.
I attached my SuspendA to the towel and went in.
ARGHHHH!!!!!!
I couldn't believe it. I thought I wuz cured.
[Please see
7/6/97 "NIGHTMARE ON WEB STREET..."]
My old malady of seeing DC's all around me wuz returning.
There were 2 of them sparring right inside the entry door -
there wuz another flying and landing an airplane -
I saw a big "Vote for this Site" sign and another DC
wuz jumping up and down behind it, just barely visible -
some were swinging Spirit Sticks - some were babies -
some were playing Miniature Golf - dressed in suits -
nude - in love - anything and everything imaginable.
(Dr. Kronks Site never trained for this onslaught of DC's.
I'm sure we'll have a lot to talk about on his chat room couch).
Composing myself as best I could, I sat through a lecture
entitled "How to Beg Your Way up The Site Fight Ladder" and
another suggested visiting the Family Swap Meet
and gave tips on how to trade your family for a new one,
guaranteed to bring in more votes for you than your old one would.
(I figured I would stick with GlendA and the Kids but...
Hey!...Ya never know. A vote getter's hard to find these days.)
I went back again the second day, fortified with Dr. Kronk's pills
already feeling very relaxed and not bothered by all the DC's.
I learned how to "Share a Smile" and Cheer when jumping rope.
(My problem, like one of our esteemed former Presidents, is
I can't Cheer and Jump Rope at the same time).
I heard an assortment of professional criers demonstrating how
to Whine and Dine and entice potential voters over to your site.
There wuz also a course in the Marty Stewart method
of "Proper Etiquette in Guest Book Signing Decor".
(I thought this wuz a little too artsy crafty for my taste, pasting
macaroni shells and using whipped cream for signing initials).
The Training Center is a must for anyone who is entering the
Site Fights for the first time. I'd advise it, wholeheartedly.
Between day one and day two, I decided to take a trip
by myself in the SuspendAmobile to a couple of sites
that some nice people recommended that I review
and seek to find the truth about life in the fast lane, alone.
THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Dimension/1827/
The truth is if you're looking for it, it's there, according to TeddiBear.
I figured this wuz a great place for me to go to look up my ex'es.
(I wuz married twice before GlendA, the 3rd Mrs. SuspendA).
Wrong, again! As I entered I wuz greeted by this great looking couple,
Scully & Mulder, who TeddiBear calls a couple of Crack Agents.
(Maybe they're interested in booking me as a speaking tour host.
I could certainly use a team of good talent agents to further my career).
The site has a section that includes Pix of the cast,
links to other X-Files, Show pix from various episodes,
a page of Mulderisms and a page of Scullyisms.
(I wonder if I should put in a page of SuspendErisms).
Those of you who love supermarket Tabloids
won't want to miss the Fan Fic Archive page to see which one
of the cast is dating what alien and vice versa.
(In my ring career I fought some Palookas who I thought
were from outer space. They hit me so fast and so often
that they must have had at least four arms).
For those of you who want the lowdown on the X-Files
definitely tune into this site. You might even bump into ET here.
You'll never run outta space if you go here.
This site rates an X-cellent in our X-Files.
KEL'S PLACE
http://www.toptown.com/centralpark/Kel/
I went from outer space to out of this world when I arrived up here.
The first thing that greeted me in this heavenly, angelic place
wuz the music. They were playing a "Canon in D"
(D what? I know Dman, Dmaestro, DSpirit, but just D?)
It seems like only last week I wuz in another angelic place.
(Is somebody up there trying to tell this sinner something?)
I took a peek into finding all about Kel
She lives in Edmonton, Alberta in Canada,
has a dog named Libby and a cat named Samantha.
She likes the Net, reading, writing, watching TV, music, acting,
singing and a lot more, too numerous to mention here.
Her place has a menu loaded with goodies for anyones taste.
You can get HTML help (Which I did)- have a Java chat -
Listen to a list of music that reads like an Angel's Top 40 -
write your own "Ed Story" and post it - read a poem of the week -
learn about unicorns - or get her book review of the week.
(Maybe she'll review my column, someday.)
Kel is one multitalented angel and deserves your visit.
Like her golden harp, this site rates four Plucks and a glissando.
JACKIE'S MORTAL KOMBAT WEBSITE
http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Dungeon/8459
I wuz sorry SpencA wuzn't with me for this one.
After an earlier visit to another MOrtal Kombat site
he has become addicted to the challenge of the Game.
[Please see
8/24/97 "SUSPENDAMOBILE ON THE BLINK...."]
On clicking in I wuz greeted by a huge, colorful, whirling Eddy,
(Hey, maybe this would be a good Eddy story for Kel.)
which I then had to pass through in order to enter the Kombat.
As I worked my way down I passed a tough looking group,
some of whom, looked like fugitives from the X-Files,
then decide on my destiny - but first I found out about Jackie.
I immediately felt an overwhelming affinity for her -
anyone who wears red and looks like her is OK in my book!
(That is, until GlendA reads the book.)
Jackie has her own special moves, kills, weapons and much more.
She is a firebrand and sets things smoldering.
The place is loaded with information about other Kombatants,
has a message board, news page, links, awards and tons more.
(I'm beginning to see this "Links" thing show up in almost
all the places I go to. I wonder if Dman and his golf thing have.....Nah!!!)
I marked this as a place to come back to with SpencA.
Go see Jackie, but watch out for those fans that she's holding,
they're a hot item, and so is this site.
I'm now a hot fan of her's and so will you be.
TRUEBLISS PEKINGESE
http://www.concentric.net/~trueblis/
It wuz time for lunch so I figured I would go to Truebliss'
and treat myself to some Blissful Chinese food.
(WHOOPS!!! Somehow I think that I must be on some alien
wavelength because I keep misreading what these sites are about).
I wuz greeted by a string of white Pekingese dogs who smiled
and, like sideshow Barkers, invited me into their world.
I found the story of their History and Origin fascinating.
Next I learned about Pekingese Studs - Girls - Grooming -
links (See here it is again!) - treats - chats and training.
(Hey, leading a dog's life aint half bad is it? I'm surprised
I didn't run into any of them when I wuz at the Training Center).
There wuz a long list of gourmet recipes from world renowned chefs for
Dog Cookies, Biscuits, Treats and thousands of Rewards varieties.
Make no bones about it, I'm not telling tails out of school,
it wuz a Truebliss experience for me and you won't be
barking up the wrong tree to pay this site a visit.
SPECIAL NOTICE!!!
To celebrate the 30th Anniversary column here DSuspendA is
taking a 2 week vacation hiatus and will return on October 12th.
Have a great couple of weeks and Safe ContenDing Fun to all!
Can anyone out there suggest some Sites for the SuspendA's to visit?
Does your Site qualify for receiving "THE GOLDEN SUSPENDA"?
Tell us the NAME of the Site; THE URL; and which Arena it's in.
We promise to write about you giving a snappy SuspendA review
(time permitting) which may or may not translate into more votes.
Send your nominee to
DSuspendA, please.
DRose's Rumble Review for The lighter side of the Site Fights
and DMaestro's "The Knockout" and "The Quest"
brings the many sides of
the Site Fights and it's fighters to lite!
Cruise the rest of the Site Fights rings also.
There's lots to see and do.
Please mail your feedback to DSuspendA at
"SuspendA'd Sentences"
and come back often.
After touring the Site Fights action
head on over to
Empty Trash Talk.
We'll give you your own private tour of the cans.
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