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The ContendA who wears one red SuspendA
EXTRA!!!SUSPENDA THROWS IN THE TOWEL!!
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ALSO ROAMIN' THE RINGS
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9/7/97
In my travels this past week to review a few of the sites
that were suggested to me by some of you nice people out there,
I experienced a twinge of nostalgia about my time as a ContendA.
Although it wuz seven months ago when I fought my last battle
in the Warzone, I can still feel the exhilaration of competing and
hear the cheers of a loyal band of voters made up of old friends
and new web friends from all over the world, made and still maintained.
Sitting here at the keyboard all these months later,
I can vividly recall the day I threw in the towel and called it Quits.
The message sent to my small,constituency went as follows:
I'm writing this to all of you as I look out my window here at
"The Paduka Palooka Rest Home for Retired Pugilists",
drinking a cool Planter's Punch with my wife, Glenda, the 3rd Mrs. SuspendA.
The view out on the great lawn is a site for sore eyes.
(The swelling in mine hasn't gone down yet. I'm still nursing
remnants from the fights. There's this big mouse under my left eye.
If I double click it I'm back in the ring being attacked by a bunch of new ContendaS.)
Looking out the window I see punch drunk fighters, ex challengers
and satellite ring boxers being knocked down by their shadows -
flocks of birds flying around their heads in continuous loops -
straining their cauliflowered ears to hear the droning music
that played during their last bouts just one more time -
a cute little round guy swinging a golf club asking if he can play through -
the fighters stopping anyone and everyone and begging for their votes -
all memories I will never forget.
Now that whatever it was that took place the last few weeks is over
and you are all aware by now, that I have thrown in the towel in
my quest to become a Champion at the Site Fights. Your help
during this fun time wuz invaluable and I will always be in your debt.
I want to thank all of you who I bothered incessantly -
and all the nice people and places I got to kid during my time in the rings.
Without getting maudlin let me say quickly
THANKS TO ONE AND ALL OF YOU!!!!
Things are really beginning to look up for me now.
(They were looking up when I was flat on my back for the count also).
Let me roughly fill you in a little.
First my cousin from my mother's side of the family, The Braces,
a bigtime Hollywood producer, who was trained by Ed Wood
approached me about doing an action/adventure picture for him.
I almost made it into the movies many years ago when I was a big strapping,
handsome six footer with blonde hair down to my hips.
(Or wuz it hips down to my ankles?)
For some reason they told me that all the Munchkin roles had been filled
in some Wizard of Oz film they were casting (Cest La vie).
Anyways, this cousin has this brilliant, can't miss idea
that the time is ripe to begin making Silent Films again.
He heard some guy in a baseball cap say it was Deja vu, all over again.
He wants me to star in the film which is titled "TRAMPO - The Quest Begins".
He's looking for angels, telling them he wants to put pianos in Multiplex theaters.
He's scouting the country for musicians whose artistic talents are in Player Pianoing.
He saw me in one of my rounds and said I would be perfect for the part.
( If any of you know anyone who wants to get into 'showbiz'
contact me and I'll tell you where to send the money.)
When everybody left the arena and I was just lyin around on the canvas,
waiting for someone to pick me up, a guy shouts in my ear "Diane Saw Ya!...."
I stared back at him with a glassy eyed questioning look.
He said he was one of the Producers of 'Sixty Seconds' and that
Diane SawYa wants to do a featured interview of me and the Site Fights.
She saw me throw off my robe and figured I was the perfect subject
to do an 'Expos' piece on the naked truth of Web Site Fighting.
I would have to talk fast because there are five other segments planned for the show
and there's usually a lot of infighting for equal air time among all the talent.
I told them I would so I'll let you know when that'll be so you won't miss it.
Ooops! I just heard a bell..... gotta go out and shadow box on the lawn .....
talk to ya soon. Thanks again.
Shortly after that I wuz invited pick up the towel and do this column.
THE LATEST ITINERARY
SANDY'S HOMEPAGE ON THE WEB
http://www.cisnet.com/sandy
One of the nice things about this job is you meet a lot of nice people.
Sandy is an old friend from my early days here at the Fights.
We all went to pay her a visit now that she's reentered the fray as a ContendA.
It's really about time this poor dog got her own website.
Annie has been reaping all the glory up til now.
The site is now Java Enhanced so I wuz looking forward
to sitting down with Sandy over a steaming cupful and talking about old times.
Sandy is not only a talented Watercolorist and Watercolor teacher,
mother and grandmother but does desktop publishing and a host of other stuff.
(I thought she wuz only a comic strip and broadway show star).
We also met her daughter, Tammie and spent hours touring her Art Gallery
and CSW Cyber Art Show viewing Watercolors, Oils, Pen & Inks, & much, much more.
There's a "Velvet Glove Saga" that will carry you on a mystery journey
to a number of other sites. It knocked me out!
(It wuz another embarrassing moment - being knocked out by a pair of Velvet Gloves!)
For those of you who like getting an early jump on holidays
she has "Christmas Pages" for your pre-Thanksgiving enjoyment,
"Sandy's New and Old Cheer Pages and much other interesting looking.
This is a place where we spent hours discovering all the new tricks
Sandy set out for our enjoyment.
I give this site Four Arfs!!!
ANGEL OF MYSTERY
http://www.geocities.com/EnchantedForest/5324/index.htm
Upon entering this site we were greeted by a cute baby angel,
who wuz our heavenly guide to all the goodies inside.
(We only had to stop twice for diaper changes and feedings).
The only time I came in contact with Angels, other than
the ill fated movie deal mentioned above wuz once when
an Angel backed 3 punchdrunk fighters
who put on a Broadway show
starring the 3 of them.
The idea wuz there were only 4 stools in the theatre
and they sat on 3 of them talking about their fights.
The 4th stool wuz for a nightly ticket holder.
It wuz called "Room for One More" and wuz a financial flop.
But I digress! Back to Angel of Mystery.
In the first picture that one sees of Angel she has
flowing blue hair, large gossamer, butterfly wings and is dressed,
I think, a little sparsely for flying around the cold starlit heaven.
I went to find out all about the Real Angel and found
lots of devilishly hot tid bits about her, plus a picture
of what she really looks like when she gets up in the morning.
GlendA wuz getting jealous as I kept returning to the 1st picture for another look
so we continued on to "Angel's Links" to play a round of golf.
We found ourselves adotping one of her cute animated
"Candy Corn Critters" named 'Corny'.
(For some strange reason that's what the kids call me).
There are Awards she's gotten and Giving; you can visit homes
of other "Rich and Famous Angels"; Angel's Mystery Link and lots more.
If Cloud Nine is where you want to be for a Wing-Ding good time
Go on a Heavenly Journey to Angel of Mystery.
KNYTE OWL - THE ENCHANTED WOODS
http://members.aol.com/KnyteOwl/index.html
Travelling the Web gives one a chance for some interesting adventures.
When we arrived at The Enchanted Woods we were greeted by a Flying Unicorn,
whose horn made a great pointer to lead us on our journey.
We stopped at the "Poetry Glade" and "Poetry Glen" for some
delightful poetry readings in a sylvan setting.
Interested in finding out more about this talented poet
we entered his personal space and discovered that he is 15 years old,
writes fantasy poetry, is a certified webaholic,
(Certifications are great.I've been a certified nutcase for years now.),
and he does a great imitation of the Site Fight's
Famous Bag Lady Duo, as evidenced by his picture.
I wuz into fantasy poetry myself when I wuz a ContendA.
I remember this one I submitted as a cheer once.
"O I wuz a great ContendA
and I wore a Red SuspendA -
I did a zig and a zag
never tried wearin a bag -
Wuz young and ever so cocky...
but I never turned out to be "Rocky"!
If you're a late night "Knyte Owl" surfer
be sure to make a little Rhyme as your reason to see this ContendA
as he spreads his "volleyball is cool, daddio" philosophy
in his battle this week in the Warzone!!!
Can anyone out there suggest some Sites for the SuspendA's to visit?
Does your Site qualify for receiving "THE GOLDEN SUSPENDA"?
Tell us the NAME of the Site; THE URL; and which Arena it's in.
We promise to write about you giving a snappy SuspendA review
(time permitting) which may or may not translate into more votes.
Send your nominee to
DSuspendA, please.
DRose's Rumble Review for The lighter side of the Site Fights
and DMaestro's "The Knockout" and "The Quest"
brings the many sides of
the Site Fights and it's fighters to lite!
Cruise the rest of the Site Fights rings also.
There's lots to see and do.
Please mail your feedback to DSuspendA at
"SuspendA'd Sentences"
and come back often.
After touring the Site Fights action
head on over to
Empty Trash Talk.
We'll give you your own private tour of the cans.
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