from
The ContendA who wears one red SuspendA
CRANK UP THE SUSPENDAMOBILE
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7/27/97 - Look for a NEW? SuspendA'd Sentences every Sunday
IT'S LAUNCH TIME!!!
GREAT...I'LL HAVE A BLT ON TOAST, A SIDE OF...
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Thanks to a few kind souls who called me with the answers
to SpencA's puzzle, which had me squirming, I slept like a baby.
This morning, GlendA leaned over the crib to genlty wake me
and tell me that breakfast would be ready in a few minutes.
I got up, whistled my way to the shower, feelng terrific.
Not only did I have the answers to SpencA's puzzle,
but I had made up mind about the Summer and the kids.
I wuz going to break the news at breakfast to the whole family.
The wraps would come off the SuspendAmobile this afternoon
and the SuspendA's would hit the road for a fun Summer.
The cheers that greeted me when I broke the news were louder
than the ones that I heard just before I went down for the count
in my famous, now classic, fight with 'The Flamingo Kid'.
(Being knocked out by a 5 year old is an embarrassment)
After breakfast, GlendA sounded the buzzer
and we broke out of our corners of the ring,
each racing to complete the various tasks needed for the trip.
I went into the den, carefully unrolled the tarpaulin covering
the SuspendAmobile and stepped back, basking in the glow
of it's sleek lines and unique body construction.
Each time I saw it, my body tingled with excitement.
The unparalleled, one of a kind, aero-ergodynamic chassis wuz
designed by an ex-prizefight managing genius, Leonardo D'Vinny,
and he and it, like the Tucker and Edsel wuz far ahead of its time.
A number of years ago, I acquired it as a consolation prize
for placing 5th in a 4 man, round robin boxing tourney
and it's been a prized possession of mine ever since.
I took a cloth and wiped some dust off the interior seat.
It wuz covered in a luxuriously appointed, Nuevo riche, French Fried,
Couch potato skin, linoleumlike fabric, with individually adjustable
protruding springs that would comfortably seat the four of us.
Mounted on the front dashboard wuz a keyboard and monitor.
It had wires and connectors, which ran the length of the car
and were now connected to my modem and electrical outlets.
(When Leonardo designed the SuspendAmobile in 1915, it's
power source wuz a 12 volt battery. The monitor wuz only able to play
Black & White Silent Screen pictures and it wuz hooked into
a wooden, hand cranked telephone, which wuz a party line, so
whenever he tried to log on he got a busy signal and never
wuz able to establish a connection. As I said he wuz ahead
of his time. I don't think this would ever happen today.)
Just below the dashboard, as a safety device, he had installed 4 windbag
air devices, which would open on impact and be so inflated with themselves
that they would protect the passengers in case of a system crash.
(Another example of the genius of this man).
GlendA and the kids joined me in the den. They were
already dressed for the trip and GlendA helped me into my driving gear.
We set our Brownie Box camera on automatic and snapped
the picture below for later placement in the family album.
(In case you're wondering, I'm the one in the back wearing the SuspendA).
IT'S CRANK-UP TIME....FINALLY!!!
We took our seats buckled in and GlendA and I smiled at each other,
knowing that we made the right decision in doing this.
MalendA and SpencA's first assignment wuz to get us on our way
by cranking up the engine of the SuspendAmobile.
They both started to whine, complain, be obstinate, just plain cranky!!!...
and they plaintivly cried "Are we there yet!!!", endlessly.
The SuspendAmobile began to slowly rock back and forth
and neon lights flashed on and off, on and off, with it's Welcome message.
The more strident and abrasive their voices became,
the stronger the lights became until finally, the motor hummed a happy tune
I congratulated the kids on another great cranking job!!
WE WERE ON OUR WAY!!!
I stuck my arms into the front slots, out through the headlights,
into the boxing gloves mounted in front and began to punch out
the itinerary of URL's that we had decided on at breakfast.
The kids were whining, griping and just being plain cranky (for real)
about never getting to do things that they wanted to do.
So, GlendA and I asked them what they would like to do.
They both said "Let's go to the Circus!!!
I said, "What a great idea! The Site Fights are a 3 Ring Circuits....
Why don't we visit some of the Rings and that way I can
write the whole trip off as a business expense."
(My accountant, Adum Upwrong, wrote me from Sing Sing, where
he's on a short stay for tax evasion, to try to do this whenever I can).
Plowing straight ahead on my one track, train of thought, I rolled on,
"There are a couple of great sites that were recommended to me
by some old friends at the Corner Cafe that I'd like to see."
Everyone, including GlendA agreed and I wrote down the URL's.
THE ITINERARY
THE INTERNATIONAL SHRINE CLOWN ASSOCIATION
http://www.intplsrv.net/shrineclown
Everyone knows that a great Circus needs great Clowns,
and the Site Fights, a lot of fun on their own are no different.
The SuspendAmobile revved into high gear and we
swung into the kangaroo express lane for a quick hop over to
Wombat's Warriors to visit my old friend, Chez in Australia.
(She wuz the one responsible for my ill-fated foray into the fights).
On entering the ring, we were greeted by Zeeby, their membership chairman,
who took one look at us and laughed. I guess laughing is contagious
because all of us broke into convulsive laughter that shook the SuspendAmobile.
The Shrine Clowns are a fine Organization that tours hospitals,
and other sites,
entertaining kids and bringing laughter into their lives.
There's informative material about "Clown Alley" a Clown Magazine.
Before we left Zeeby took our picture to use as an entry
to use in the magazine of the silliest looking clown family.
We thanked him and you will too when you go to visit this terrific site.
See if you can contain your laughter when you visit this page.
This site gets a 4 SuspendA rating, no Clowning around!
LAIR OF THE SYLVAN MAGE
http://www.geocities.com/~chakram
We hopped back into the SuspendAmobile, still grinning
and headed for the second Ring at our private Circus,
The ContendAs Showdown Round, where we wanted to see
this talented young Ringmaster from Boise, Idaho,
recommended as a must see by Fairy DLorien.
The kids were excited the moment we arrived because
he greets you, standing with crossed swords, looking sinister,
next to a black leopard or panther that he trained himself.
The kids love animal acts and sword swallowers and were eager to see more.
He did not dissappoint them.
He paraded out his trained "Zoo of well behaved pets",
2 German Shepherds, a miniature Dachshund, who does double duty
as the carrying case for the Circus's Trained Flea act and
last but not least heaps of fish who swim upside down on their backs.
The kids thought his taste in roommates is strange, though,
2 male horses who are living with him now.
(I guess it's never too early too sow your wild oats).
The kids, along with GlendA and myself rate this site 4 SuspendAs.
Go! If GlendA wuzn't with me I would have sowed my wild oats..
TIGER AND DRAGON STYLE KENPO
http://www.visualex.com/kenpo/
Punching the pontoon button, which allowed us to take a trip
up the Nile to Egypt and visit DKIng's Pharaohs,
where this Site is locked in a battle royale in Cobra Pit Two.
Our puzzle solving friend, Marci recommended we check this guy out.
SpencA, whose favorite movie wuz "Raiders of the Lost Ark"
wuz beside himself when he learned we were coming here.
We discovered on entering that people in the Northwest
are leaping and bounding, doing Martial Arts.
There are Black and Brown tapes available,
exclusively produced by Mr. Durgan, himself.
There are also manuals, links, news, home and requirement pages you can visit
and even a link to Mr. Durgan's personal Martial Arts web page.
No one in the SuspendA family is particularly fond of spending time with Cobra's
(Although I've met a few snakes and pirhanna in my day).
but we did stay long enough to see this Martial Arts expert
subdue the Cobra's
Not being one who wears belts Black or Brown,
we award this site 4 Red SuspendAs.
Learn how to defend yourself if you're caught up the Nile without a paddle!
Can anyone out there suggest some Sites for the SuspendA's to visit?
Does your Site qualify for receiving "THE GOLDEN SUSPENDA"?
Tell us the NAME of the Site; THE URL; and which Arena it's in.
We promise to write about you giving a snappy SuspendA review
(time permitting) which may or may not translate into more votes.
Send your nominee to
DSuspendA, please.
DRose's Rumble Review for The lighter side of the Site Fights
and DMaestro's "The Knockout" and "The Quest"
brings the many sides of
the Site Fights and it's fighters to lite!
Cruise the rest of the Site Fights rings also.
There's lots to see and do.
Please mail your feedback to DSuspendA at
"SuspendA'd Sentences"
and come back often.
After touring the Site Fights action
head on over to
Empty Trash Talk.
We'll give you your own private tour of the cans.
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