from
The ContendA who wears one red SuspendA
WORKING NINE TO FIVE
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5/25/97 - Look for a NEW? SuspendA'd Sentences every Sunday
THE LONGEST DAY CONTINUES...
"PROCRASTINATOR'S PRESIDENTS DAY CELEBRATION"
To read previous SuspendA'd Sentences click any of the dates below
3/9/97,
3/16/97,
3/20/97
3/23/97
3/30/97
4/6/97
4/13/97
4/20/97
4/27/97
5/4/97
5/11/97
5/18/97
Jarred back to reality by the buzzer signalling the end
of the break, I knew that I had to begin putting something
down on paper or I'd lose all the ideas I wuz thinking.
Sitting in the dark one loses all sense of time and space.
I know that Round eight is beginning, but does that mean
I've been here for a grand total of only 40 minutes
(3 minute rounds and 2 minute breaks)
or have I been here for a day, a week, months? Tis a puzzle!
Suddenly my nose twitched and the unmistakeable odor of onions,
garlic, and limburger cheese rushed through the air
above my head followed by another Pnuematic Message
from DRose.
(I think the Windy City Blowhards should watch what they eat before blowing).
[See
5/18/97 regarding Pnuematic Messages]
The message said "SuspendA,
I'm going to release the following to introduce you:
Ladies and Gentlemen and Children of all Ages!
It gives me a great deal of pleasure to welcome
'The ContendA who wears one red SuspendA' to DFamily!
SuspendA will be our new roving reporter, so if your
guestbook gets signed by the one wearing a red SuspendA
consider yourself honored!! So spruce up your site, roll
out the welcome mat, and above all shout your cheers!
Get with the SPIRIT and let Droving begin......
P.S. Dman says if you're going to leave early for the long
holiday weak end (Dman has trouble with his typing)
please get your first article in to me before you go." LOL :-)
Now I wuz really in deep trouble! I spent the whole day
procrastinating, as I always do, and hadn't let my fingers
do the talking on my typewriter. The training course at
'Al's Hunt and Peck Speedtyping School' wuz going to waste.
Since I also lost all track of time I wuzn't sure which
National Holiday we were celebrating. I decided to pour right in.
Special to DRose: Article #1 of SuspendAd Sentences for your approval
The ContendA who wears one red SuspendA snaps back!
After a short retirement I've thrown my
Empty Trash Talk can
back into the rings, not as a ContendA, but as a roving reporter
for the Rumble Review. Dlovely DRose was kind enough to ask me
to go a round.... So we danced around and sparred for a while...
(Ooops, Sorry! Once a fighter, always a fighter.)
from ring to ring and out to the Satellites to report on the Sites.
Thinking maybe there was a Pugilistzer Prize in this, I quickly ran down
to the corner pawn shop, reclaimed my 1931 classic Underwood typewriter,
and raced over to the Site Fights to begin my career as a journalist.
This Monday, February 17th is Presidents Day and to celebrate the event
Dman, in DSpirit of the day let all exPresidents into the fights for half price .
It was very exciting to see all of them spread throughout the crowd.
They didn't look out of place - lots of people in the crowd were dressed weird.
Nick's Knockout Artists even let a bunch of them sit in their box seats.
It was like having our own Boxed set collection of Presidents.
Special Presidents Day Contest!
Test your powers of observation and Presidential knowledge!
WIN A GOLDEN AWARD!
If you can name the Presidents in the box
send your answer to
DSuspendA immediately.
Don't procrastinate!
The place was chaotic and a real mess. All the ContendAs were shouting out
" Hey, Mr. President... If you vote for me I'll be sure to vote for you!"
(It would be a real boost for a site if it could say 'George Washington voted for me')
ContendAs were complaining to Dman about other ContendAs offering
large campaign contributions in return for having their pictures taken
sleeping in the White House Guest Room and having drinks with the Prez.
(Dman wuz busy trying to arrange a Presidential foursome for Miniature golf)
Everyone wuz tossing their hats into the ring and there wuz no room to move.
Thick, deep smoke was pouring out of the backroom caucuses
and Luke's Firefighters were having a tough time keeping it under control.
In one corner, Jim, from Jim's ATW Ultimate Fights was advising Buchanan,
who was born in Pennsylvania and the only President never married,
on how to use a Search engine and locate himself an E-Mailorder bride.
Everytime one of them got up to go to the bathroom
everything in all the arenas came to a screeching stop.
'Hail to The Chief' played, cheerleaders came out from the wings,
waving political banners, and there was music, dancing and cheering
until the President came out of the Men's Room and waved to the crowd.
I wuz lucky to find a seat down front between Washington and Lincoln.
If I could get their views on the fights,
this first article would be really special.
Turning to Washington I said
"Mr. President, were there Site Fights in your day?"
"I cannot tell a lie!" he answered. "We originated this whole concept.
We fought over whether to hold our meetings in Philadelphia or my Place....
We were as revolting as some of the ContendAs I've seen here today....
except Betsy Ross, whose humor had us in stitches in the early rounds -
her site was a wholesome, flag waving and Patriotic experience...."
Washington sighed, and continued, "Nothing really ever changes.
I remember after one frustrating session we decided it would be faster
to Send Paul Revere to warn people about the British coming
than waiting for John Hancock to carefully practice his signature.
I got mad at Ben Franklin and told him to go fly a kite - ZAP! -
history had the first SURGE PROTECTORS and SHOCKWAVE."
He looked at me with tears in his eyes and continued
"Let me leave you with a parting thought and some words of advice
for all the ContendAs I've seen here at the Fights...I'll never forget
that terrible winter at Valley Forge. We were cold, hungry, close to Dfeat
when I turned to the troops and said Just hold on here a MINUTEMEN.
Remember, in the immortal words of that famous Yankee Doodle,
It's never over til its over. They rose up as a group and cheered....
and that's how DSpirit of '76 was born."
Washington then said "Gotta run to the Warzone. Ike, Ulysses S. Grant
and Old Andy Jackson are having a tailgate BarBQ-and-strategy session
with the new arrivals.... and then I'm off to the Mall to handout balloons
to the kiddies. Imagine - they've created an American tradition
called a "Sale a thon" to celebrate my birthday.
I thanked him and turned to Lincoln, who was busy fighting
with a little old lady sitting in the row behind us.
She kept banging him on the shoulder, with her umbrella,
hollering that she couldn't see over his stovepipe hat.
I asked him how he was enjoying the matches so far.
"Even though my shoulders hurt from the banging, I have to tell you,
it's a heck of a lot more comfortable sitting here than on that hard,
cold marble chair they put me on in Washington,DC." he replied.
(I couldn't get over how much he resembled Raymond Massey).
"A penny for your thoughts on the Site Fights?" I uttered.
(Arghhh! I can't believe I said that! It doesn't make cents!)
Pulling on his beard, he replied
"As George said, not much really changes.
These fights are really very 'Civil Wars'.
Look at last weeks Championship, for example.
2 great sites - The Meadow -that takes us back
to the spirit of the '60s
(My troubles began in the '60s also, you know.) -
and one where a GAgirl from the deep South,
passes out Dixie cups and homespun southern charm
to any and all come by - hoping that the South will rise again.
Honest,... Politics,
(Honest,... Politics - An oxymoron, if I ever heard one!)
and the Site Fights have a lot in common.
My Lincoln Log Cabin site got me enough votes to win my first time out.
By the way, a couple of things you might not know.
During my administration the first Free Mail delivery system
in this country was established and a Transcontinental telegraph line
linked the East coast with California.", he concluded.
(Sorta sounds like LINKIN one site to another).
He got up, turned to the lady with the umbrella, smiled,
said he'd vote for her if she'd vote for him.
He gave her his Gettysburg Address, turned, tossed his hat in the ring
and left, muttering - gotta run - can't be late....
Mary and her damn theater-parties.....
[The preceding first appeared in The Rumble Review 2/17/97]
HAPPY HOLIDAY ONE AND ALL!
DRose's Rumble Review for The lighter side of the Site Fights
and DMaestro's The Knockout brings the many sides of
the Site Fights and it's fighters to lite!
Cruise the rest of the Site Fights rings also.
There's lots to see and do.
Please mail your feedback to DSuspendA at
"SuspendA'd Sentences"
and come back often.
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head on over to
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