from
The ContendA who wears one red SuspendA
WORKING NINE TO FIVE
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5/18/97 - Look for a NEW SuspendA'd Sentences every Sunday
THE LONGEST DAY CONTINUES...
but first
"SITE FIGHTS SLEEPS BEGINS"
(The first Roper Doper Sleeper Ratings Poll Period begins!)
To read previous SuspendA'd Sentences click any of the dates below
3/9/97,
3/16/97,
3/20/97
3/23/97
3/30/97
4/6/97
4/13/97
4/20/97
4/27/97
5/4/97
5/11/97
[Author's aside: As the line between computers, the web and TV
comes closer together the web begins to imitate TV more and more.
Four times a year the TV moguls fill our viewing time with specials,
special reports, schedule changes and lures and enticements
to get us to watch their station during a period called "SWEEPS".
Fees they
charge advertisers are based on ratings durings these
"SWEEPS'.]
Just as I wuz ready to leave the office and take a well deserved break
I heard a strange, rising sound - much like the swoosh of rushing wind.
It grew louder and louder, finally ending when a cylindrical plastic tube
popped out of the end of a pipe located above my chair,landing on the desktop.
It spun around a few times, coming to a stop with the label facing up.
I picked it up and looked at the outer label, which read
"Windy City Pneumatic Tube Corporation
Delivers
A Blow by Blow Message
For Your Eyes Only!"
(I understand there's a central distribution place in the basement
of the building where outgoing tubes arrive when dropped in the senders
outslot. They are then rerouted and a group of trained BLOWHARDS
blow the messages on their appointed route, carefully not inhaling.
Recently there has been a number of messages that were delivered late
due to an inordinate amount of golf balls, discovered blocking the tubes).
It wuz from DRose, addressed to me and said
"SuspendA,
I know you've been busy acclimating yourself on your 1st day here
and, unfortunately I haven't been able to spend much time with you,
but the Rumble Review redesign has kept me chained to my desk".
(I wonder if they let her loose for breaks, bathrooms and such.)
The message continued "DWhole family eagerly awaits your first article,
which I'm sure
you've been busily writing in the confines of your office.
One of the things you might consider is some of your insider tips,
as a former ContendA - how new ContendAs might increase their hits -
attracting more potential voters in their individual competitions".
(Insider tips, hmmmm! I've been spending so much time inside today,
maybe DRose's idea could work and I could help other ContendAs).
During the recent rehabilitation period I spent at
"The Paduka Palooka Rest Home for Retired Pugilists"
following my unfortunate loss in The Warzone to Lady Char,
I spent a lot of the time watching television, zapping my way across the dials.
It wuz a Sweeps period and
every self promotional spot trumpeted
Alien Invasion films, Killer Squid
Miniseries,
'How to live on $50,000 a day while on welfare' Special Reports
and 'Weather forecasts for Mars Travellers' Tonite at 6 Exclusives.
(It's amazing how you can learn a little bit about a lot of things
when you use one of those remote zappers and have a quick thumb).
WOW!!!
In a flash I pictured a whole article incorporating DRose's suggestion
and hints from my recently acquired television promotional knowledge.
Suppose the Site Fights created a time similar to the Sweeps Period
when contending Sites could increase their ranking and it wuz called
"THE SLEEPS - PERIOD"
(Exclusive to DRumble Review!!)
DSUSPENDA'S SNAPPY RED HOT TIPS
to use during
"THE SLEEPS - PERIOD"
TIPS FOR FAMILY HOME PAGES
1. Create a Banner to be distributed to friends and neighbors reading:
or any of these enticing, provocative teases:
"10 PROVEN METHODS TO KEEP THE KIDS
FROM DRAWING IN YOUR GUESTBOOK!"
SPECIAL QUICKTIME MINISERIES
"SECRETS OF A TEEN POTTY QUEEN"
"50 KILLER POTENT POTABLE RECIPES"
adapted from the Borghia Family Cookbook
"25 CLASSIC COUCH POTATO RECIPES"
These apeeling tidbits yours for the taking!
SUPER SPECIAL CLIP ART FAMILY PHOTO SECTION
Every type of loving family situation FREE to use in your site
TIPS FOR SCI-FI & SCIENTIFIC HOME PAGES
SECRETS OF PERFORMING THE VULCAN MIND-MELD -
TOUCHSCREEN MONITOR TO TOUCHSCREEN MONITOR
REVEALED AT OUR INNER SPACE SITE
A SURFAHOLIC'S MOST INTIMATE REVELATIONS REGARDING
THE TEN MOST IMPORTANT DANGERS OF DOWNLOADING
HOW I LEARNED TO LIVE WITH FEELINGS OF REJECTION
WHEN NOT BEING ABLE TO CONNECT TO AOL
CONFESSIONS OF A HIT AND RUN SURFER
CLOSET DOMAIN TRICKS REVEALS ALL!
I wuz on a roll when the buzzer sounded, signalling the end of Break
bringing me out of my daydreaming. I only hope I can remember all
these story ideas when I finally sit down to commit them to paper.
DRose's Rumble Review for The lighter side of the Site Fights
and DMaestro's The Knockout brings the many sides of
the Site Fights and it's fighters to lite!
Cruise the rest of the Site Fights rings also.
There's lots to see and do.
Please mail your feedback to DSuspendA at
"SuspendA'd Sentences"
and come back often.
After touring the Site Fights action
head on over to
Empty Trash Talk.
We'll give you your own private tour of the cans.
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Dfamily joined the Revolution.
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