from
The ContendA who wears one red SuspendA
WORKING NINE TO FIVE
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5/4/97 - Look for a NEW SuspendA'd Sentences every Sunday
THE LONGEST DAY CONTINUES
"DAIRY OF A MAD(cap) SITE FIGHTER"
part two
To read previous SuspendA'd Sentences click any of the dates below
3/9/97,
3/16/97,
3/20/97
3/23/97
3/30/97
4/6/97
4/13/97
4/20/97
4/27/97
The door to the office sprung open when the gong sounded
and the
Dynamic Duo, Magnificent Momma,'The Beautiful Bag headed Lady'
and 'The Forever Voluptuous' Vicky burst in carrying their tally boards.
Momma gave me a great big supermarket bag smile,
threw a luscious lipped kiss in my direction and said
"Hey, SuspendA, my longtime secret luvva boy,
mind if we park our tally cards here while we take Round 6's break?...
in fact a bunch of us who Brown Bag it here, are meeting outside
to have a snack on the lawn out back and then look for Dman, who seems
to be hiding. There's a reward for the one who finally finds him...
It's like a fun contest. Why don't you join us?"
I thought for a second and politely said
"No thanks, perhaps another time
I didn't bring a Brown Bag with me, today"
(I wonder how Momma and Vicky keep food from spilling out of their head bags)
Besides I knew Dman wuzn't hiding outside. I wuz sure he's holed up
somewhere upstairs in one of the Miniature Golf Course gizmos.
(SEE BOTTOM OF TODAY'S COLUMN AND TRY YOUR LUCK!)
Momma threw me another of her golden lipped kisses, said OK and they left.
I stood there in the semi-darkness, aware that I probably looked like
Boppo the Clown, Red SuspendA'd, clothes still dripping wet (See
4/20/97)
and a bold red set of lips emblazened on each of my cheeks.
I hoped GlendA didn't walk in on me now.
I sat back down at my desk, opened my 'Rocky' lunch box
and proceeded to devour the Peanut Butter and Spam sandwich.
I wuz anxious to continue my trip down memory lane, reading
the old E-Mail vote begging messages I wrote during my fight time.
(See 4/27/97)
ROUND TWO!!!
JANUARY 20: Dear Dairy,
We made it to the 2nd Round Rumbles in Arena 1 with your help.
So now here's the deal!
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz#@***
Message interupted due to Suspenda repair.
Sort of leaves us hanging in a state of Suspenda'd Animation.
*****************
Seriously.
I feel that my daily impositions on your time have
and are getting a little out of hand.
True it's been a lot of fun for me writing these inane daily reminders
but as one of the imposee's said to me
"If you're getting the same 7 or 8 people everyday voting for you
what are you gaining. If you're getting new people OK.
They don't need to be reminded of voting for you if they like your site".
He's probably right.
So, if I've been getting on your nerves let me know.
I value the relationships of the valiant few
who I have submitted to this more than winning the darn thing.
I'll let you know whether the consensus says
"He be a pest" or "He be not a pest".
No matter what you answer
I'm not beyond grovelling for your vote one more time.
DContendA who wears one Red SuspendA
JANUARY 22: Dear Dairy,
OK! I'm back.
The overall long and shorts of the consensus is that
I'll continue these missives but every other day.
Yesterday, while I was waiting for the SuspendA-MendA
to return from Washington,
where he was serving
as a consultant to the White House Inauguration Staff.
His job was to make sure that when the Prez raised his hand
while taking the oath, his SuspendA's didn't hike up under his chin
and hide the great looking tie Hillary had pinned to his suit
when he got dressed in the morning. As I watched the evening news,
I can say in all honesty that he did his job perfectly.
So with nothing to do all day, my manager says to me
"Go out and have a good time.
Explore! Surf! Check out the competition."
So I did and let me tell you it is awesome.
I went down "The Road to Beyond"
and stopped in "Rainy's Little Getaway"
(My umbrella came in handy here),
sampled all the goodies the referee was carrying around,
filled with "ArchDelux's Smorgasboard of Stuff"
(This was not easy because I had to hold my trunks up with one glove
while trying to balance food and drink with the other).
The piece of resistance (is that the right French phrase)
came when I sat down to sample some of "Nadines White Trash Cookin"
(Anyone who has the good sense to have Trash in their name can't be all bad).
I was so stuffed that they put an Apple 2 in my mouth
and made me the centerpiece of the ring.
(Now that I'm getting famous, everybody wants a piece of me.)
So you can see that we really have to hang extra tough in this round.
JANUARY 23: Dear Dairy,
Since I won't be available tomorrow morning
due to a lecture on "Boxing in the Electronic Age",
I'm delivering at the Punch Drunk Home for Aged Pugilists
I am giving you a very special power tonight.
You are getting tomorrows news, today!
(Hey they could make a television series and a movie out of this)
So, I'm sitting in my corner between rounds,
my breath still coming in short pants,(Groan!)
when my manager says to me "Kid,
(I'm 3 times his age and he still calls me kid?)
you look positively green around the jowels.
First thing you gotta do is clear all that stuff
you stuffed yourself with at your opponents sites,
the other day, outta your system ."
(What does he think I was trying to do
in the cans at my place all day yesterday,
write new material or something like that?)
Anyway, he continued
"Look, in order for you to win this thing you gotta be different....
You gotta get your fans, and all those other fight afficianados
who come here,
to get involved - Get them up outta their seats -
off their cans -out into the aisles and make them part of you!
When you Zig - they Zig!
When you Zag - they Zag!
When you Prance - they Prance!
When you Dance - they Dance!
Lead them and they will follow!"
(He is one inspiring guy.)
So anyway, following his excellent advice,
whether you're into the PC or MAC ARENA -
LET'S RUMBLE!
EVERYBODY UP!
LET THE MUSIC BEGIN................
"Put your right arm out, upside down....
Put your left arm out, upside down.......
Now touch your left shoulder with your right arm....."
JANUARY 24: Dear Dairy,
Another week shot to hell!
First let me say thnks to my 'GANG OF NINE'.
You are the Greatest (along with Muhammad Ali).
We seem to be doing OK but not to letup.
As Yogi Berra said "It aint over til its over."
Anyway this will be the last mess age for this week.
I'm so knocked out from all the MacArenaing
that I have to rest this weekend.
The other day, as I was resting and watching Jepoardy
this popped up as one of the answers "Tony Tookadive".
I quickly buzzed in and answered
" Who was my former manager and why did I fire him?"
I went on to X PLANE so that my loyal fans would understand.
As I sat in my corner during an early round
of my first Professional bout, Tony said to me
" Look, you may want to preserve your adonis looks
and unbattered body by taking a dive.
I did a long time ago and I still rate a perfect 10. Think about it."
I thought....and answered
(Thinking hurts my head almost as much as being hit by the"Duke's")
"I do a pretty good 1/2 Mitzi Gaynor and a Swan Lake.
I do have one helluva Belly whopper... So why not?"
If you remember, in the last round I jumped
(actually doing a BACKUP 2 1/2) into my water bucket,
and made a big splash with the crowd. During the rest of the round,
every time my opponents landed a punch to my head,
that damn bucket clattered and clanged
like "The Bells of St. Mary's" in stereo.
I thought the round was over and kept trying to sit down in my corner.
It was truly embarrassing
(almost as embarrassing as asking you to continue to vote for this Palooka).
Have a great weekend and if we win
I'll have a PREPRESS party to let you where the next round will be.
The ContendA
who wears one Red SuspendA
P.S. Continue to vote for Cheryl "From My Place to Your Place" also. Thanks.
The gong sounded ending the break
I'll have to read my Warzone memoirs at another time.
Time for another Round of trying to avoid working
(Maybe it's time to see what's in the album and box?)
DRose's Rumble Review for The lighter side of the Site Fights
and DMaestro's The Knockout brings the many sides of
the Site Fights and it's fighters to lite!
Cruise the rest of the Site Fights rings also.
There's lots to see and do.
Please mail your feedback to DSuspendA at
"SuspendA'd Sentences"
and come back often.
After touring the Site Fights action
head on over to
Empty Trash Talk.
We'll give you your own private tour of the cans.
Dfamily joined the Revolution.
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