from
The ContendA who wears one red SuspendA
WORKING NINE TO FIVE
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4/27/97 - Look for a NEW SuspendA'd Sentences every Sunday
THE LONGEST DAY CONTINUES
"MEMORIES"...or "D'CONTENDA REMEMBAS "
To read previous SuspendA'd Sentences click any of the dates below
3/9/97,
3/16/97,
3/20/97
3/23/97
3/30/97
4/6/97
4/13/97
4/20/97
Arriving back at the office after my refreshingly lucky
trip down 'The Outhouse Path' (See
4/20/97),
I looked forward to sitting down at my desk and finally
committing to paper the events of my first day here. After all
the reason DRose brought me on board wuz to write or typewrite.
Unfortunately there wuzn't an inch of room on the desk.
Besides my typewriter, a stack of papers labeled 'go through someday',
and the strange album I still had to inspect (See
4/13/97),
there wuz a new addition to the crowded mess on top of the pile.
Someone had dumped a large, dust covered carton covering everything.
I put the carton and the album on the floor vowing to look at both later.
Still infused with nostalgia from the Porcelain Statue Ad, I picked up
the 'go through later' stack of papers and began thumbing through it.
Mixed in among the various notes and scribbles of things to do wuz a
clipped together folder marked "ContendA Site Fights E-Mail messages"
It seemed like only a short time ago that I wrote them.
(It wuz only a short time ago.
Time flies when you're having a good time.)
DAIRY OF A MAD(cap) SITE FIGHTER!!
JANUARY 12: Dear Dairy,
A strange thing happened to me the other day.
Cheryl, a web friend from Australia ("From My Place to Yours")
asked me to go to a place named "Site Fights", and vote for her everyday.
She wants me to be a part of her international cheering section
in her competition, ("bouts") to become a site champion.
I go and BOOM! ....
The next thing I know all my clothes have been removed and I'm given
a pair of oversized boxer shorts (which I promptly put on backwards).
Then my hands are laced and encased in a pair of boxing gloves.
(If you think it's easy typing while wearing them, you're nuts!).
Anyway.....I found myself doing a crazy thing by signing up as a fighter.
(The last crazy thing I did was starting my own web site.)
(Marlon Brando isn't the only one who thinks "I coulda been a ContendA!)
Through my FUZZY LOGIC I've entered their TOKEN RING
and am beginning my HARD DRIVE to the top on Monday, January 13.
A WORD PROCESSOR must have leaked the news to the media
because Don King has called me three times already to be my promoter.
(Words in CAPS are just some of my Empty Trash Talk Language)
I have been DROP SHADOW boxing with a couple of punchdrunk
pugilist friends of mine over at Little Tummy Tucker's gym
hoping to get back into shape so I'll be ready to begin the title quest.
I can't wait to take that first trip over the ropes and enter the ring.
Anyhow.... here's the deal. I need your help. I need you to go to
http://www.voicenet.com/~nickz/fight.html
(As you can see I didn't even have the right address back then)
and vote for me wherever the voting thing is. Also I need to build a
ROOT DIRECTORY and cheering section.
Please join in they promised me a Gold belt.
(It's better than the red suspenders holding up my boxer shorts)
and for extra measure they would throw in the towel if I won.
Thanks.
JANUARY 14: Dear Dairy,
Thanks for your vote in round one.
If you were having any trouble voting the true URL is
(Honest I just tried it) http://www.thesitefights.com
We're running a close second to the "DUKES" of Hazzard site
but I've raised my trunks all the way up to my chin
so those "DUKES" wont land any more body blows this round.
I also will come out and dazzle them with your continued help
by performing my famous Muhammad Ali "Ropey Dopey" move
and bounce off the ropes to take this round with your continued help.
JANUARY 15: Dear Dairy,
It's looks like for the moment we have gone ahead of the pack by a few points.
I'm trying to EMPTY TRASH TALK them, while I dazzle them with a little
of my CURRENT BACKUP VERSION soft shoe routine.
They're still breathing down our necks so we can't relax.
What a team you are! Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous!
I took the advice of MIke Varney a very funny guy with a very funny site
(Moose Crossing http://protect.simplenet.com/moose.htm) and got rid my old manager.
I hired an exciting new old guy who you might remember, "Teuton Tony Tookadive".
I'll tell you more about him after the next round.
I wuz so busy waving to you and all my other friends in the crowd
that I got seasick and hungover the ropes and made a mess in the audience.
This really got the crowd moving, doing a Bye-Bye Wave as they quickly left -
but I'm used to playing to an "EMPTY Trash Talk" audience.
I can't tell you how embarrassed I wuz
(A barf bag corner in the ring would have been great)
I'm busy helping to clean up the place so everyone can come back and vote
I still have some secret stuff left in the old body I can always bring up.
JANUARY 17: Dear Dairy,
My apologies for the light touch our daily messages have taken this past week.
My hearing's pretty fuzzy lately through my newly acquired Cauliflower ears and
I thought I heard my manager say I should watch reruns of
"RICKY" movies.
I did.... His fights with Lucy were hysterical and I laughed so hard
I doubled over and my opponents blows went right over my head.
(Most things generally go right over my head).
I think we're doing OK but we can't letup now. This is not over until
the BELLS AND WHISTLES sound the closing of this ROUND OFF.
JANUARY 19: Dear Dairy,
You won't recognize me when you see me again.
I've been trying on some knockout outfits to wear in todays Sunday round
and its not very easy trying to learn how to bob and weave when
you're wearing these damn CROSS PLATFORM shoes.
Dennis Rodman's dresser has made some great suggestions.
It also has been taking me a very long time to put all that eyeshadow on
the punching bags under my eyes. Its really a drag trying to look good
for your demanding public, but I'm sure I don't have to tell you that.
I'm sorry but I thought that on the seventh day I should be arrested
but I guess I have to go back and complete the bout - speaking of which
I must have eaten something bad because I had a bout of the runs.
This kept me very busy - taking the gloves on and off
while trying to snap and unsnap my suspenders.
But enough of the bathroom humor.
Vote and stay out there in the ring with me as they keep throwing those punches
(Preferably in front and not behind me).
The gong sounded ending Round 6...
All this remembering is hard work - Thank goodness for breaktime.
DRose's Rumble Review for The lighter side of the Site Fights.
DMaestro's The Knockout brings the many sides of
the Site Fights and it's fighters to lite!
Cruise the rest of the Site Fights rings also.
I hope you enjoy yourselves as much as I do.
Please mail your feedback to DSuspendA at
"SuspendA'd Sentences"
and come back often.
After touring the Site Fights action
head on over to
Empty Trash Talk.
We'll give you your own private tour of the cans.
Dfamily joined the Revolution.
"Download ICQ!!! Then we can talk to you."
"The Official Communicator of
Site Fighters World Wide"
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