from
The ContendA who wears one red SuspendA
THE LONGEST DAY CONTINUES
Still reeling from my embarrassment at losing the envelope
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3/30/97 - Look for a NEW SuspendA'd Sentences every Sunday
ROUND FOUR - AD NAUSEUM!!
To read previous SuspendA'd Sentences click any of the dates below
3/9/97,
3/16/97,
3/20/97
3/23/97
containing the Winner of the "Site Fights Ex-Champions Award",
(See "SuspendA'd Sentences" - 3/23/97)
I raced out of the office down the hall to the Men's room
so I could wash my face and clear my head.
On the way I passed a small group of co-workers,
who were standing around the goldfish bowl watercooler,
waiting for the break between rounds to end.
They were discussing the Academy Awards show
that I must have missed while I wuz napping last round.
Out of the corner of my cauliflowered left ear I heard
"...I liked the part where they thanked the guy from the
accounting firm who counts the ballots to determine who
the winners are...."
I wondered as I ran by the group,
(I'm sure that many of you wonder, also)
how the votes are tallied here at the fights?
Who counts the votes - people or machines?
Just before I reached the men's room, I spied a door marked
"THE TALLY-HO ROOM".
Curiosity and my reporter's instinct made me stop and peek in.
If anyone came by and asked me why I wuz bent over,
one eye glued to the keyhole, I would explain that my
SuspendA got caught on the doorknob and I wuz trying to
disentangle it and still make it to the men's room
and back to my office before the Warning buzzer sounded.
My eyeball did a 360° keyhole rotation of the room.
There were a number of desks, cluttered with piles
of electronic baskets of ballots from the various voting sites.
Behind each one wuz what looked like a striped zebra wallpaper pattern
I zoomed my eyeball back to get a better look and discovered
it wuz really a striped shirt worn by a frazzled, grey haired,
retired referee, who I recognized as the one who counted me out
in my famous loss to Lady Char in the Warzone.
He sorted the votes into neat piles, by ContendA.
He picked up a pile, spread it out on the floor,
raised his right hand and began shouting out the count.
Everything immediately fell into place! Now it wuz clear.
The signs with the numbers held up between rounds in Dman's Dome
by the Dynamic duo, Magnificent Momma, the beautiful, Bag Headed Lady
and Voluptuous Vicky,the other beautiful, Bag Headed Lady and
the numbers next to the ContendA's in the Warzone and Satellite Finals.
Nothing higher than a 10!
The poor guy never learned how to count any higher!
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 -10! - Out!!!
THE WINNER AND NEW CHAMPEEN!...
The Warning Buzzer sounded - Back to my office time, again!
What happened next is what every journalist hopes for - An Exclusive!
(Remember, you heard and saw it here first, folks!)
I turned quickly to run back and as I did I banged
into 2 Gentlemen wearing POWER SURGE suits and ties.
(Obviously they were not ContendAs, unless Dman
wuz instituting a new dress code for Site Fighters.)
They were carrying a large, black portfolio,
which I sent flying into the air when we collided.
Lying there on the floor, looking at each other, I apologized
asked them who they were and what their job at the Fights wuz.
They said they were Advertising Executives from
WDR and W Banners,Inc.
(Wheeler, Dealer, Readum and Weep).
The Fights have grown so big that Madison Avenue
wants to hop on the bandwagon for some of its clients
They were on their way up to Dman's office with Ad Proofs
of some possible campaigns and endorsement tie-ins
with The Site Fights for him to approve.
They had to hurry because Dman wuz going to squeeze them in
between the 3rd and 4th hole of his morning, miniature golf game.
The portfolio landed with a bang and opened, revealing the Ad proofs.
Thinking fast, I pointed down the hall and shouted
"Hey!...Isn't that your competition heading for the elevator?"
I am always prepared for any contingency so I whipped out my
Kodak Brownie Box camera while their heads were turned
and quickly snapped off the 3 shots you see below.
They turned back and hastily stuffed the Ads back into the portfolio.
I said, "Sorry, I thought I saw some guys who looked like you.
I see a lot of strange things ever since my fighting days.
Well I gotta run before the bell sounds for the next round.
Good luck with Dman! If you ever want to enter The Agency
in the Site Fights, let me know. I'm an ex-ContendA, you know."
I got up and ran back to D'Office to develop the pictures.
The gong sounded, signalling the start of the next work round.
and you'll really connect with the lighter side of the Fights!
Cruise the rest of the Site Fights rings also.
I hope you enjoy yourselves as much as I do.
Please mail your feedback to DSuspendA at
"SuspendA'd Sentences"
and come back often.
After touring the Site Fights action
head on over to
Empty Trash Talk.
We'll give you your own private tour of the cans.
Dfamily joined the Revolution.
"Download ICQ!!! Then we can talk to you."
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