from
The ContendA who wears one red SuspendA
WORKING NINE TO FIVE
Sitting in the dark, with the door of my office closed, I tried desperately to EXTRA! READ THE SUSPENDA'S SPECIAL SITE REVIEWS Make sure to read the rest of
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3/16/97 - Look for a NEW SuspendA'd Sentences every Sunday
(THE LONGEST DAY CONTINUES)
(To review part one click
HERE)
figure out how I was going to accomplish anything on my first day here at
the Fights. I vowed I would not be embarrassed again, as I seem to be,
whenever I undertake something new.
Suddenly the door flung open as a loud gong sounded outside in DHall!
It was the Dynamic duo, Magnificent Momma, the beautiful, Bag Headed Lady
and Voluptuous Vicky (She wuz voluptuous as ever) shouting "Round 1 is over....
Everyone to DCorner Coffee shop!" Momma left a lasting impression of her lips
and much more on my cheeks and then they ran down DHallway, opening doors,
shouting and kissing people as they went.
(I don't know how I'm going to explain the lipstick to GlendA when I get home.)
It seems that the workday hours compromise arrived at in the last BUMS
(The Benevolent Union Mutual of Site Fighters-Local 27) and the
Site Fights Employer's works like this. You work for 3 minutes,
bobbing and weaving, avoiding any contact with job related tasks,
then DGong sounds signifying the end of that work round.
You go to DCorner coffee shop for a 2 minute break
(Avoiding work is not an easy job and you need a rest)-
a warning buzzer sounds, followed a minute later
by another gong which sends you back to work.
After fifteen repeats of this, everyone Punches the Timeclock and goes home.
The whole workday is something like that old quiz show "Beat The Clock".
(I'm not sure how much is accomplished or who wins in this routine
but at least I wuz out in the light again.)
DComraderie in DCorner coffee wuz wonderful...
but more about this another time.
The warning buzzer sounded and since my office wuz the farthest away
from DCorner coffee shop I needed extra time to prepare for the journey.
I assumed DStarting position and waited for DGong.
As I raced back down DHallway, I nearly knocked over DMaestro.
The pages of his latest Site Fight Times review,"The Knockout",
(one of the features of the new Rumble Review format) flew in all directions.
I introduced myself telling him how excited I wuz about working with
a real Site Fights legend and I hoped he could show me the ropes.
I finished retrieving the article and handed him the crumpled, stained pile.
He said that he would talk to me more about it another time.
Right now he wuz due in the next crowded office
for a full dress rehearsal of the Kalamazoo Kazoo Marching Band
and had to be finished before the next gong break.
(I notice that he has a habit of speaking slowly through clenched teeth).
The Kalamazoo Kazoo Marching Band doing the "AC/DC Shuffle"
Music afficionados and Kazoo devotees will fondly remember
the group's previous Platinum release,
"Kazoo Love Songs for Two".
It contained such memorable hits as
"If I could Kazoo in my Canoe with you, Baby!",
Ka-Ka-Ka-zoo-tie, you're the girl for me!"
and dozens of other hummable winners.
They are recording an album of Site Fight music
under the Direction of DMaestro, tentatively titled
"The Kalamazoo Kazoo Marching Band
plays the
Best of the Site Fights Music".
It comes packed with a golden Kazoo as an added bonus.
This reporter has obtained a Bootleg version
of a few of the songs from a reliable source.
These are just a few of them.
"The Kangaroo Kazoo Hop"
(the proposed new theme music at Wombat's Warriors. It has a little of the Diggeree-do sound).
"The Luke-a-Zoo Kazoo Polka"
(A fiery dance melody to accompany you on your trip through the Fire Fights).
"Give us a Nickazoo, Nickazoo, Knockazoo Cheer"
(This one promises to be the hit at Kareoke bars
everywhere)
"I'd love to a spend a Knight with a Kazoo and you"
(A contrapuntal madrigal hummed by a sextet of Knights through their helmet visors)
"A Kettle Drum and Kazoo Duet for Three"
(A heroic theme that rises as Kazoo and Kettles echo each other.
Should be very inspiring for Phoenix' Warlords)
"The Rumble Review Kazoo Rhumba"
( A latin flavored melody guaranteed to have you
rolling your hips with laughter as you read the Review)
"Tee for Kazoo"
(Dmans new theme as he plays through your Site)
"May the Kazoo be with you Macarena"
( Everyone participates in a Hum-a-long waving their Spirit Sticks)
"Rap-So-D-Pop in Blue Kazoo Symphony #1
(The Rapper,SO-D-Pop's Hip-Hop version
of this classical Symphony hummed through a Kazoo)
The new album will be available soon at Site Fight Sites everywhere.
I stood in the doorway and watched.
DMaestro tapped his Spirit Wand,
sprinkling Spirit sparkles all over the room.
The entire 76 piece band, formally dressed in tuxedos
and marching boots raised their Kazoos to their mouths -
the guest soloist, Yehudi Kazooski rose,
smoothing his tuxedo tails.
He took a small, 24 karat gold case out of his breast pocket,
removed a shiny brass, limited edition Kazoo
from The Great American Kazoo Company,
put it to his lips, humming it into tune
and stood ready for the music to begin.
DMaestro's wand swung down, sprinkling DFairy dust all over D"office
and the Dstirring, hummable strains of John Phillip KazoozA's
"Stars and Sites Forever March"
filled the office corridors.
I marched back to my office, humming as I went.
ON THE NEXT PAGE
and you'll really connect with the lighter side of the Fights!
Cruise the rest of the Site Fights rings also.
I hope you enjoy yourselves as much as I do.
Place your feedback in our Can Mail and come back often.
After touring the Site Fights action
head on over to
Empty Trash Talk.
We'll give you your own private tour of the cans.
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